Recently I read an article in Oprah’s Magazine, by Ann Lamotte, titled “Feeling Full” . (You can read the article here.)
Lamotte writes about the home she grew up in, where her parents were smart, sophisticated, and accomplished, but cold, unemotional and hated each other. Her mother made gourmet meals, but the family table was filled with anxiety, which Ann did not understand at the time. In contrast, the homes of her friends, where meals were not at all gourmet, seemed happy and warm and the food tasted much better. Their parents actually liked and loved each other and their children.
As an adult, Lamotte experienced the “disease called ‘more’ and absolutely could not feel gently satisfied”. As she gained weight, she tried dieting, which led to bingeing, and never feeling satisfied with what she ate, or with her body. She writes “Nothing can be delicious when you are holding your breath.”
Lamotte is writing about the fact that “fullness” with food is much more than physical fullness. I interpret this to mean satisfaction with food, which includes physical fullness, but also emotional, mental and spiritual fullness. Lamotte takes this even further, to say that when one’s life is not satisfying, that no amount of food can make up for that. No type or amount of food will really make you feel full, if you are empty inside.
What works, says Lamotte, is really exploring yourself and your life, making mistakes, trying new things, learning about who you are, whom you want to be with, and what really satisfies you. Food is a metaphor for how we live our lives. Nothing can be delicious when you are holding your breath.
