It can be very frustrating working with a client who is “resistant” to change. That means that the other person doesn’t want or is unable to make the behavior change you think they should. It can feel like you have to try to convince them to change. You might want to talk about all the good reasons to change, or threaten with all the bad things that will happen if they don’t.
That urge to try to convince your client is called The Righting Reflex in MI, and it can feel very urgent. This is especially true if the client’s behavior puts them at high risk of illness or even death. It may be very hard to understand how your client can’t just see what needs to be done, and do it. How can you calm yourself and resist The Righting Reflex?
First of all, develop an awareness of those feelings in yourself. It may feel very urgent, and may make you anxious, frustrated, frightened or simply uneasy. We all experience this differently, and perhaps differently with every client.
When that urge to fix things appears, take a few deep breaths. Think about whether the client has the problem or you do. If it’s your problem if you feel the urge to try to convince. Just reflect what they are saying and remember to do so in the direction of positive change when possible. If you are still uneasy, talk with a colleague about your concerns. It can help to talk through your feelings. Remember we can’t MAKE people change!
