Lately, I’ve been thinking about patience. We are awaiting the birth of my third grandchild, a boy. It’s really hard to wait! My daughter is uncomfortable and ready for this to be over. Naturally, as a mother, I’m concerned and a little anxious that this all go well, and everyone be healthy. Patience is often hard, and sometimes not my best quality. This situation involves not only patience, but being tolerant of, and even enjoying, change. What better change than a new addition to the family?
This reminds me of being patient with my clients, and tolerant of them, as they consider making changes in their lives. Sometimes this is very hard to do because it’s so clear to me what the other person ought to do, and I must remember that patience and tolerance are difficult for me as well.
Here’s an example. I’m working with a woman who wants to lose weight. She spends a good bit of our time together telling me why she can’t make changes, and all the reasons that she eats emotionally and has no other options. She says, essentially, “If everyone else would just cooperate with me, I wouldn’t have these problems.” I have been quite patient, reflecting what she tells me and letting her know I’m listening. I must admit that the tolerance part has been hard for me! It has been quite clear that she is blaming others and not being responsible for her own behavior. I was hoping she would come around to that herself.
Today I decided to take a different approach. I asked her if I could give her some feedback about what she was describing. She agreed, and I said that I hear her doing things for everyone else, including her boss, husband, children and co-workers, but not much for herself. In addition, she has been trying to diet for much of the past 10 years, so she feels that eating as little as possible is best. This combination, having too little food and too many demands on oneself, can be a set-up to eat emotionally and/or binge eat. That’s exactly what’s been happening to this woman.
She was very surprised to hear this feedback, and hadn’t considered her situation this way. We discussed these ideas for a while, with her asking many questions, and me asking a few open ones. I asked what she might like to do now, and she agreed it was time for a change but didn’t know what to do. I asked if I could give some ideas, and she readily agreed. Together, we negotiated a plan for her to talk with her family about her setting time aside each day for just herself, with no interruptions. She asked for my help in planning her workday meals and snacks. We ended our conversation reviewing her goals for change and plans for our next meeting.
This interaction with a client demonstrates the main spirit points of MI, which is acceptance of the other person’s behavior. This also speaks to patience and tolerance, and demonstrates the effectiveness of open questions, reflective listening and summarizing, three of the important listening skills in Motivational Interviewing.
My work as a nutrition therapist using Motivational Interviewing gives me many opportunities to practice patience and tolerance!
